You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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