It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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