Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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