Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
