I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
His hands were made for my vagina.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
