it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
