that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
