sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
