Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It's Friday. Sex?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
