This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
