How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
