i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I want her autograph on my taint
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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