The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
