mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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