some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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