She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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