feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
