OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
