They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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