ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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