Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
