I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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