R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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