in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
