There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
