speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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