I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
