this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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