I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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