Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
