Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
