I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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