good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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