I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
