My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
