I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
