You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i was born a porn star she said
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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