Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
