My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize