i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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