Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
