zippers are such a cool invention
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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