I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
