so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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