I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize