I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
