he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
