I just cut my nipple shaving
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
