Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
