My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
