38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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