I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize