Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
