Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
