On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
