No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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