chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
