Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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