i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
