Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
