The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
